MARCH 17 2000

My back hurts. And I am sick to death of living my stupid routine over and over and over again... I just wish something would happen to give me a little boost. Just something a wee bit spectacular.... something to change my routine. We just released a new video tape of short films... after close inspection, I realized I had almost nothing to do with any of them... am I lazy? or have I just lost my creativity... I used to have all the ideas around here, and now.. apparently... I have none of them.. and you know what? They are all good ones. I just wish I had more time... I am at work, or with the kids... I love them more than anything, and do NOT resent it. Perhaps I can resent work... But how am I supposed to do anything? Every single night I am at work, and my only nights off, I have the kids.. I don't wanna miss out on my kids, so that is the only plan available to me... no life whatsoever. I have no time to do anything really creative... let alone meet any one. I guess that is why I spend so much time on this damn web page... it is easy to maintain in the few hours I have here and there... like what am I gonna be doing at 3:00 in the morning other than this? I have little options. Perhaps if I had a car, I could go somewhere... but I have to rely in Calgary fucking Transit.... "Hi, we're Calgary Transit, we suck shit, we want you to have to walk home if you plan on being out past 12:00..." What a fucking joke. Like if they even had one bus an hour coming back from Down town late night... but no... they decide to suck instead... fuck 'em.

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