I think I have decided to just shut the hell up for a while... Perhaps I will stop thinking too. That would be most efficient.
Sunday, 28 March 1999
Thursday, 25 March 1999
Wednesday, 17 March 1999
My back hurts. And I am sick to death of living my stupid routine over and over and over again... I just wish something would happen to give me a little boost. Just something a wee bit spectacular.... something to change my routine. We just released a new video tape of short films... after close inspection, I realized I had almost nothing to do with any of them... am I lazy? or have I just lost my creativity... I used to have all the ideas around here, and now.. apparently... I have none of them.. and you know what? They are all good ones. I just wish I had more time... I am at work, or with the kids... I love them more than anything, and do NOT resent it. Perhaps I can resent work... But how am I supposed to do anything? Every single night I am at work, and my only nights off, I have the kids.. I don't wanna miss out on my kids, so that is the only plan available to me... no life whatsoever. I have no time to do anything really creative... let alone meet any one. I guess that is why I spend so much time on this damn web page... it is easy to maintain in the few hours I have here and there... like what am I gonna be doing at 3:00 in the morning other than this? I have little options. Perhaps if I had a car, I could go somewhere... but I have to rely in Calgary fucking Transit.... "Hi, we're Calgary Transit, we suck shit, we want you to have to walk home if you plan on being out past 12:00..." What a fucking joke. Like if they even had one bus an hour coming back from Down town late night... but no... they decide to suck instead... fuck 'em.
Sunday, 7 March 1999
Today I talked to a good friend who didn't know who I was. Do you know how scary that is? She has lost her memory, she can't remember anything past 1995... How do you deal with something like that? I was her best friend, and now I am a stranger...
Later on in the day I talked to someone else who didn't know me... an old friend, who I, at one time, confided everything about my being to. We knew each other better than anyone, once. But now she doesn't know anything about me, past 1994. Do you know how scary that is?
i just thought I would share this with you kids, I thought it to be a rather weird day in the life of Mr.Kolodychuk...
Tuesday, 2 March 1999
No matter what you all want to believe, I am a person, who is very complex, and has feelings like the reast of you. It has been a strange life... More so than most of yours I'm sure... I have done lots of things, and touched lots of people with the things I do. I am important. I am sure of this. I know I can be useful again, I just need to try. I have taken the first step today, and bought myself a new leather jacket. My latest album is so powerful to me. I don't think any of you can understand what it takes out of a person to make music. Not unless of course you are a musician your self, and make the music for meaning that goes far beyond money. I may not be the best song writter in the world, (I think my friend Terry just may be though..) but the things I say are all true, very true to me. When I listened to the track 'Igot someone to love' after I had finnished mixing it, I lost it and broke out in tears... For me, that song is the cumanation of 15 years making music. I have never been so proud of myself. And to think I wrote the words, music, everything that went in to that song way back in like 1994... It sums up my existance... If you are fortunate enough to listen to that album, you are finding out who I am, in a deeper and more intamate way than you ever could in person...
Sorry about all this... Not enough sleep, and too many pharmaceuticals me thinks.